Biggest Loser

I really got hooked on "Biggest Loser" the season before last. I just loved Danny so much (my secret crush, big or fit, I love him). I would sit there and watch and cry as the painful stories came pouring out of each of the contestants. Who didn't cry when the school teacher who lost her husband, little girl and new-born son told her story? I didn't just cry, I sobbed. I watch week after week (of course on DVR so I don't need to see the silly commercials). I love the transformations! I love to see the success! I love to watch the sweat and spit and exhaustion.

Two seasons ago (Danny's season), I was on my early journey to explore getting LapBand surgery. I do, however, recall a few nights sitting watching the show eating something bad. I also was not exercising much last season, so those workout watching episodes were rough. I realize now, I was gearing up last year to start my life. I put off a lot of things back in that old life. I had "big plans" to get moving, to stop eating everything in sight, to start liking myself a little more, to stop putting my life on hold!

I watched the new season premier this week (again skipping through the commercials, unless it comes to that Kia commercial with the hamsters....). I still see the same stories of pain, self-destructive behaviors, awful circumstances, bad choices, lack of understanding/education, depression, life altering situations etc..... But now I see these things through different eyes. I see how easy it is to let things spiral out of control so quickly. How easy it is to put yourself on the back burner. I see how I faded into the background of life, not really participating, but just existing. I don't miss that person. I think that so many of us get lost. I have such hope now, I want that for all of these people on the show and in life to get to that point where they too have hope. I also realize now that my hope isn't wholly dependent on a number on a scale, but a realization that I want more for me. (Gawd! I really didn't mean to go all deep and stuff...)

Now, back to what prompted me to even think about "Biggest Loser".... I noticed that there was a girl who had very similar tummy scars as mine. I then poked around and it turns out that at least a couple of the players this season had had WLS. Funny, my attitude was WTF???!!! How did they end up not succeeding after surgery? How could they not make this work with a tool like a LapBand? Then I thought about how if I didn't have my head on straight and understand that the band is a physical tool ONLY. I guess I needed to see the other side. I see (or rather, read) about ALL the great successes on these blogs that help me everyday to get through or over my own hurdles and really didn't or haven't stopped to think about the risk of failure. I have failed before, many times, on this quest to get my weight under control. I am thankful that I have these reality checks to keep my mind and body aware of how I need to work on this as a whole EVERYDAY.