Honeymoon is over

I don't think that I thought that I was ever going to come down...

I saw my PCP on December 18, 2009 and after an uncontrollable unloading about all the things that were crappy in my life, the biggest being the way I felt about myself. I love my doctor! She is the first doctor who actually talked with me and supported my exploration of Lap Band surgery.

I was on such a high from the first informational meeting, right on through the 5% required loss, the pre-op diet and ultimately the surgery date on July 20, 2010! I felt so successful, I really felt that this was the "magic" that I had always been searching for most of my adult life. Not a "magic bullet", but a magic feeling.

And then it happened. A few days, maybe a week, before my month anniversary of banding, I really started seeing an "old Amy" pop up. Bad food choices down my un-swollen and unrestricted stomach. Head hunger that made me crave all things evil to eat. Spending hours watching food channels and cooking shows. Pushing the limit of "sensible" food choices.

I crashed mentally soon after. I just felt let down, deflated, off my high. I worried that I would not have it in me to pull out of this funk and turn this feeling into action. I then realized, quite by accident, that this band was really a tool and I did know how to actually use it. I still don't even have a real restriction other than the bare minimum in the band from surgery, but I started really "listening" to my body. I listened to how I felt when I made a bad choice, when I ate too fast, when I drank with my food or too soon after. My scale didn't do what it normally did in the past when I felt like it was too tough to stay on track. My scale just moved a little (1-2 lbs. up then down, or staying the same) certainly not what it I was used to from the past.

Now I am grateful for the turn of events, from steady, semi-rapid weight loss, little choices necessary to be successful, to a slow in weight loss, and re-introduction of exercise and living with my band. I had never had a setback (mentally or physically) that I actually been able to overcome. I just needed to realize the tool I was carrying inside was just one of many tools that I already have. I know, kinda like a Scarecrow, Tin-Man or Cowardly Lion moment.

I am going to rejoice in the little victories, and especially those that don't involve a scale! Thanks to all of you that I have learned from on your blogs and listened to your victories, the information is invaluable to the newly banded.

"If you don’t know where you’re going how do you expect to get there ?"