How Tight Does the Band Need to be to Make Loneliness Go Away?

I have been divorced for almost 5 years. I have not had a relationship, a booty call, a date, a flirt or even eye contact with a man since my ex-husband. I am not still in love with my ex. I don't even really like him much these days..... He is no barrier to my moving on, that I am sure of, the other stuff I am working on and trying to figure out. I am pretty sure it is just me that has gotten in the way. My body, my mind, my work (isolated most of the time, home office....) the kids all of these things have contributed to me being alone, lonely and sad, wishing that Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs) would just come and rescue me. I have had lots of excuses. The biggest thing (elephant in the room) was my weight. I insulated myself from rejection, from even the work that goes into finding a person to spend time with and letting my guard down. I have been very sad in the past for the time that I have spent feeling sorry for myself and actually letting years of my life go by. I stayed fat because I was scared most of all.
I am down now almost 60 pounds (yay me!!) and I need to work every day to take in those compliments that I get now and give myself a little pat on the back each day for every NSV and SV that I have. I am getting better. I get attention from the opposite sex now. Even if it is just someone holding a door or saying hi. Why are fat people invisible or not worthy of being polite towards??? I go out of my way now to be kind to anyone who is overweight and looks like they haven't had a nice thing said to them that day or in a year.....! The only men that used to look at me would be old men (really creepy, but my friend saw it first hand one day and still doesn't let me forget it!).

So, I have a "friend" now. Don't get excited here. He is completely off limits, but he and I were friends in highschool. Yay Facebook! We have reconnected and he is a "600+ Friend" Friend. So read: BIG FLIRT, LOVABLE, WOMAN LOVER!! He knows my whole story.... sans band cuz I know he would want to see my tummy and feel the port and not going there.... but he knows my life story, the big hurts, disappointments and joys. He lets me practice flirting and even telling him super weird things. I have him looking for a nice guy for me. He insists that he might just not think anyone is worthy of me. (I told you he is a big flirt too right?)

Well after a confusing week last week where I started to think that I really had "feelings for him", I realized what he had successfully done: he has made me ready to get out there and back on the proverbial horse. I am a little sad that I started feeling anything for a married man!! But I also know that this was a test. I am NOT that lonely to do something that would ultimately make me feel MORE lonely and morally conflicted. I really like myself now too much to do that, and boy that feels good. I am happy and content with my life in the direction it is going. I have so much to be thankful for and this realization is such a gift.
xx my friends
Ames