Sex and Saturdays....

I love Saturdays. I hate all the running around though with the kids. I am basically a very selfish person. I fully realize that and accept it. I have to sometimes work at it and make sure that my kids are in the dark about that fact.

I have long said that I would like my kids more if I didn't need to feed them. I am a good mom though most of the time and my kids are appreciative of me most the time.

I am in a very selfish mood lately. I plan my work travel around my workout schedule. I only buy food that I want and that is good for me even if it means that the kids will roll their eyes. I decided to boycott Halloween this year. I didn't buy candy (we live in the sticks and the kids are going to friends). I didn't even put out decorations. Don't worry, I bought costumes, and pumpkins to carve (they are really cheap at Wal-Mart today), but refuse to carve. Just don't want to.

I go out and have a beer with my cousin if I want. I continue to flirt with my married, swinger friend. Yep, you just read that right. Just thought that I would put that out there to follow up on my last post.... This was revealed to me straight from his lips last week. I had suspicions after numerous conversations, but got the whole story from him at lunch last Monday. OMG! I am just so fascinated and horrified all at the same time. My head can't even wrap around most of it. I had so many questions, literally tons, really detailed questions and couldn't stop asking them and covering my face with most of the answers.

Now you are going to ask if I am going to launch myself into this new lifestyle. Well, I would be lying if I didn't say that I felt a little special to be invited.... but reality is that I think that the swinging lifestyle is a little out of the realm of my comfort zone. A little background again. I have been divorced for 5 years!!! I have not even kissed any other man than my ex in 20 years! So the likelihood of being a swinger is highly unlikely. Apparently the married couples who swing are happier and more content in their marriages. Huh? I guess there isn't any lying or cheating, but again OMG! Now since I have no partner, I have been told that he would have to get special dispensation to "play" with me. This would involve meeting his wife and having her assess my "agenda". WTF? (I told you that I asked a lot of questions). How funny this is all to me! Funny and weird. I am enjoying the attention, but really want to have someone to grow old with and not share!

So since I have sex on my mind. I have been really good with my last fill and broke my plateau with some nice weight loss. I am comfortably in the 160's!! Yay! I am now looking at my body. It is much smaller, true! But it is a little deflated in the boob area. My stretch marks are, well scary (I had a 10lb 10oz baby....), I have a ceasarian scar. All of things are making me crazy. I have really stressed about the prospect of taking off my clothes. This is probably the biggest factor to me not even thinking seriously about the swinging offer, apart from the fact that I am positive I could not separate the sex/relationship/love/emotional thing. But man!! I really think I want me some sex!

So, now that you know my craziness, I hope that I haven't scared anyone here. I am as shocked to actually write about this happening in my life! I am also shocked by the attention that I am starting to get from men in general which seems to coincide with my swinging offer. I guess that something is turned on now in me and possibly projecting outwards.

I love Saturdays. :-)