My Stats - 3/4/10 1st Dr. visit, 7/20/10 Lap Band Surgery to Present

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

This is one for the books! (Adult Content)

Here is the setting:
I am in my bedroom last night in what I refer to as "Mommy's reading nook". My daughter pops in and plunks down on the bed with a magazine. "This is one of the things I want for Christmas". So I say, "Get a pen and circle it and leave it on the desk." I barely even look up from my computer. Then I hear a strange little humming noise and look up horrified to see my 12 year old daughter with my "massager" pressed up on her forehead!!!!!! I am totally not kidding you! This was a moment that I never, ever could imagine facing. She says, "What is this?" to which I reply, "It is for sore muscles, rub it on your shoulder." Okay, that isn't the worst, hold on, hold on tight, this gets better.
Her best buddy was spending the night because his mom had a work thing. (yes, her best buddy is a 12 year old boy). He came into the room and asked her what she was doing. Insert more horror than possibly imaginable right here! She hands him my "massager" and tells him it feels good on your forehead. So, there I am in the corner in my chair just staring at these two playing with my "massager". Gets better here.....
He takes the "tool" and goes out to the livingroom to share this great thing with my 14 year old son! Who doesn't like the way it feels on his face but likes it on his leg. So now the three of them are passing around the thing. I remain calm.
It is 9:30PM at the time and I have to text my friend, whom I acquired the "tool" with a few weeks ago from a place called "Show World". We luckily chose to start "small" and "purple" and something that more closely resembled a mag-light than a penis! This is an excerpt from my text to her:
"OMG! My daughter is rubbing the "bedazzler" (don't know why we called it that BTW) on her neck after pulling it out of my drawer and now just handed it to RJ who is rubbing it on his forehead! Holy mother of God! I can barely stand this! I think I peed my pants a little bit, God I hope you are awake still this is good stuff."
To which I get the response this morning at 5:00AM
"OMFG! What did you do? I told you to hide it!!
ME: "I didn't tell you the best part!!! RJ grabbed it off the couch and said, "I am bringing this up to bed with me!" " What could I do? I just let him.... Now I guess I have to tell his mom today that I let him go to bed with my vibrator. Think he will be able to spend the night again?"
FRIEND: "You know when they realize someday what it was.... and they will.... they are all going to need therapy!!"
ME: "I better check that they don't bring it to school.... LOL!"

I haven't laughed like that for ages! Good times, good times......

7 comments:

  1. THE HORROR!! OMG. Same type of thing happened to me once.
    My mom was visiting and my 4 year old daughter brought out my BOB from under my bed and brought it into where I was talking with mom.
    We both almost peed our pants.

    If she found one now (she's 13), I would DIE!
    My DH keeps BOB hidden in his locked gun safe in the basement now.

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  2. OMG, my heart was pounding just reading this! Too funny!

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  3. OMG! Thank you for the wonderful laugh! I loved it. Just think of their thoughts when they really do realize what that was and look back LOL

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  4. OMFG... I just almost peed my pants just reading about this... I needed a laugh, thanx. *Maria*-blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp..." Follow my journey at mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com

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  5. OMG that is hilarious!!! So so so funny! Thanks for sharing it. (and it's good to know I'm not the only one with horror stories like this one)

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  6. My daughter did this too my wife about at that age but there is a time for revenge. my daughter is now 20 and lives on her own and i was dropping of some furnature. and there is stuff is various stages of unpack. I lock on the floor and see a instruction manual like for a toaster or an iron but its not i recognize it as the instruction manual for the "Hitachi magic wand" know in the world as the be all end all cadalac of vibrators. So she comes back on the room and i call her over and put my arm around her and say darlin future advise next time mom and dad come over you might want to put some things up and i point to the manual. ahhh revenge is sweet

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